Why Fangirls Shouldn't Be Superheroes!
by sabrinaw
Summary: This story has been adopted by my lovely cousin, Sibaas. There's no telling what she'll do with it, or what changes she'll make.


**Summary: Two dorky super heroes decide to join the JL. They're insane, hyper and complete idiots. Too bad they've decided to hook up the Big Bad Bat with someone from the JL. But who?**

**A/N: Okay. Okay. I know, I haven't really updated WHAT THE HELL or OH SHITE in a long long time. Truth is, those stories require me to reach in myself and find the hyperness that is teh funny that I can only find whenever I'm in a good mood. Right now, I'm going through something. I'm stressed out and a little depressed and I just can't write Bryan when I'm like that, you know? So, to keep you guys happy until I'm over this, I'm giving you something else. I know, I know, it's not really fair but shrugs there's nothing else I can do, really.**

**WARNING: Yaoi alert. That is all.**

* * *

'Some days', Flash thought, 'I really feel like throttling Luthor.' He was currently zipping through the town to a huge monster made up of what seemed to be green ooze. How did he know Luthor was responsible for it? Because it had like pounds of Kryptonite on it and the only person who was capable of getting their hands on _that_ much Kryptonite was Luthor.

And the _people_ would _not_ move out of his way, meaning he had to dodge and go around their running figures and if they would just get out of the way, he would be able to get there a hell of a lot quicker...though he wasn't really looking forward to fighting it again.

The thing was nothing but _ooze_ and he wasn't even sure how it kept itself together, more or less managed to move, but it was strong enough to give Superman a run for his money...not to mention strong enough to chuck him more than halfway across town.

Now he was covered in _ooze_ and would probably have to cancel his date tonight because there was no _way _said ooze was coming off him with just one shower. There was just no way.

Before he could even think about dodging, GL slammed into him, bringing them both to the ground in a heap of pain. The only good thing that Flash could come up with about this whole situation, was that at least he wouldn't be alone in taking about ten showers whenever they managed to get back up to the tower.

"How's Supes?" He asked as he stood up, offering his hand down to GL, who took it with a grateful groan. Several pops sounded as GL stretched his back, and he quickly shot Flash a warning glare to stop any 'old' jokes from escaping his mouth, because he was covered in _ooze_ and _not_ in the mood.

Green Lantern looked over towards their leader, who was sticking out of the Kryptonite-monster's stomach. He was a sickly pale shade, but he still seemed to be breathing-- for now. They had to get him out of that thing, and fast.

Only ten minutes fighting the damn thing and they were all ready to drop from exhaustion. (Except Batman, who couldn't be there due to the Joker reeking havoc in Gotham City. Lucky bastard.) Superman was dying, Diana was in a building somewhere, probably still unconscious, and Hawk Girl...

_Was falling from the sky._

Both GL Flash started for her, the Flash close behind, knowing that there was no way that they'd make it in time, not even with all their powers, and he felt his heart drop to his stomach. When she hit the ground it was going to _hurt_. Hell, from that height, a fall like that would probably kill her.

_Shayera...no!_

Flash could feel the despair practically radiating from his friend, and quickened his speed. He had to make it. But she was falling so fast...so fast...

There was no way.

However, instead of crashing into the hard ground, she fell into a giant, soft, purple hand...that looked suspiciously like it was made out of _marshmallow. _Looking up, they saw that the hand was connected to an arm...which was connected to a body...which was made out of _marshmallow_.

_How is that even possible? _Flash gaped, as he watched the giant lower Hawk Girl's body next to Diana, who looked like she too had been picked up by giant, if the purple stuff in her hair was anything to go by. Well...where ever the monster came from...it seemed to be on their side...

Before he could ponder on the subject of the marshmallow monster any longer, a girl ran by him, with another girl following after her. They seemed to be around seventeen. One was dressed in what could only be described as a pirate costume, a huge pirate hat hiding her face from view. The other one, the one in the lead, was all legs and arms, with bright purple hair that defied gravity.

Even though their appearances were _odd_ they were still civilians, and as a super hero it was his job to keep them from getting so close to a dangerous monster. Why were they even _there_ anyway? Most people usually ran _away_ when a monster started terrorizing the city. Especially a monster that was pure _ooze_.

GL grabbed them by their arms, stopping them from going any further. "You two shouldn't be here, it's dangerous."

They turned to him in unison. GL "We can handle it." The pirate girl stated, pulling her arm from his grasp.

GL was about to argue when the taller girl interrupted.

"Ya see that marshmallow creature up there?" she asked, her green eyes bearing into him.

That caught his attention. "Yeah..."

She motioned towards her friend, who was crouched down in front of them, drawing on the road with charcoal. "She drew it, I made it."

Flash blinked. "Why marshmallow? Why not steel or something?"

A shrug. "We had s'mores before coming here. Y'almost done Bonnie?"

The pirate girl, now identified as Bonnie, jumped up, nodding her head wildly, her pirate hat tilting dangerously to one side revealing a yellow cat eye. Contacts. "YEP!" she grinned.

A bright light appeared...and then slime exploded raining down on everyone. Flash whimpered. He could kiss his date good bye now. There was no way he would be leaving his shower for the next two days after this was all over with.

Green Lantern headed towards Superman, who was slowly getting to his feet, swaying slightly. But just as he was about to approach Superman, the ooze that lay all over the ground started glowing.

"Aw crap."

Flash let out a shriek of alarm as he watched the monster pull itself together, swallowing both GL _and_ Supes. "Oh COME ON GL, you walked RIGHT into that one!"

The purple haired girl pulled at her short hair in frustration, causing it to stick up even more. Slumping down next to Bonnie, she whimpered. "I quit."

Bonnie snickered. "I _told_ you that you wouldn't last more than five minutes in the Superhero bizz."

A pout. "It's not _my _fault that they're such dingdongs besides," she looked at her watch "that was at least six minutes."

Bonnie rolled her eyes and went to reply, but paused as she peered at the monster closer. "It's...broken." she whispered eyes widening slightly.

"Do what?"

She pointed towards the ooze thing, which was moving in jerky movements, as it battled on the Flash. "We did some major damage when we caused it to explode. I don't think it can take another hit."

Grinning wickedly at each other, Bonnie quickly crouched down and went to work with her charcoal...

And ten seconds later...

Another pulse of light went off and the ooze was sent flying yet again.

Flash fell to the ground with a groan. It just wasn't _fair_!

* * *

"You need a superhero name, for starters."

"What's wrong with Toast?"

"That's...that's really your Superhero name?"

"Uh, YEAH!"

"I thought you were just being sarcastic."

"And I thought you were just_ acting_ like you were mentally retarded, but BOY did you fool me!"

"LOOK you, I'm TRYING to be polite here--"

"Polite?! Ha! You mocked my name!"

"It...that's not your real name...is it?"

"I dunno."

"How can you not know?!"

"It's never come up!"

This was the conversation Batman happened to walk in on when he entered the tower of the Justice League. Two teenage girls sat at the table. One had short curly brown hair and an outfit that made her look like an extra in Pirate of the Caribbean. She sat quietly next to the table at work drawing in a notebook while the other argued with Superman. She was all legs and arms and had bright purple hair sticking up in odd directions. He immediately recognized them as the girls from the TV News, who had helped to stop yet another one of Luthor's mad plots. He started to walk over towards Kal to demand a status report, when a blur of red appeared in front of him. Flash smiled sheepishly.

"Bats," He began in a 'please-don't-kill-me' voice. "have I told you lately how much I just admire and resp--"

"What did you break this time and how long will it take me to fix it?"

Flash pouted. "The computer and no clue."

The dark vigilante sighed, walking to the computer, which was giving off sizzling noises.

He felt his eye tick. "What did you DO?!"

But Flash was ignoring him, watching the two girls at the table. Grumbling, Batman turned back to the computer, which seemed to be glaring at him accusingly, as if to say, "You did this time me. You allowed him to touch me. How could you?!"

He'd built the damn thing himself, using only the best parts out there money could buy. Expensive, to be sure, but worth it in the end. Both he and Oracle had spent months tinkering with it to try and make it as hacker proof as humanly possible--but had they thought to make it FLASH proof?

Of course not.

Luckily, it only took him an hour to figure out what was wrong and have it back up and running again. Last time he'd nearly had to replace the entire thing. He was seriously beginning to consider bringing it up at the next JL meeting that Flash be banned from ever EVER touching the computer unless in dire circumstances. In fact, he was determined that if he had to fix that damned computer _one more time_...

Sighing, he adjusted his cape, glancing over towards Superman, whose face was turning red, and Flash, who was snickering along with the girls.

"Status report."

Superman whirled around to face him. "BATMAN! Good! Tell HER--" He pointed towards the tall girl. "--That she can't call herself Toast if she wants to join us!"

He rolled his eyes, glad that his costume kept his eyes hidden. No doubt Superman would flash him that hurt look of his if he could see the annoyance flashing in them... and he so hated that hurtful look. "Where's Diana?"

"She's uh somewher--"

"J'onn?"

"Meditating! ….I think. But Ba--"

"Hawk Girl? Gr--"

"_TOAST_ Batman! TOAST!"

Batman closed his eyes briefly, wondering not for the first time what he was thinking when he agreed to be on the Justice League, even if it was part-time...

He was beginning to think that part-time was _still_ too much...

But that was neither here nor there... gritting his teeth, he turned to the wannabe-Toast-person. "So I take it you really like toast?"

Maybe if he could understand why she chose her name, he could work out a way to convince her to change it.

Surprisingly, it was the pirate girl who answered, a bark-laugh escaping her. "HA! She's scared of it!"

Complete silence.

Flash snickered. "You're scared of _toast_? So then why'd you name yourself after it?"

"Uh...mmm...well it seemed like a good idea at the time..." Toast mumbled, her cheeks red with embarrassment.

Batman scratched his chin thoughtfully. "So you named yourself after your fear, in hopes of conquering it?"

Toast blinked. "Uh...yeah okay, we'll go with that."

"Interesting..."

Superman gaped unbelievingly as his friend said, "Toast it is then."

"BATMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNN!!" Kal all but wailed childishly, waving his arms. "She CAN'T name herself TOAST!"

Another sigh. "There's no rules claiming that she can't, Superman."

"But it's not PROFESSIONAL! This is a _serious _thing we're trying to do here!"

The dark knight pinched the bridge of his nose, wondering for the umpteenth time that week why he bothered showing up at the tower when he just _knew_ other people were going to be there.

Especially Clark.

He didn't know _what_ it was about the big blue boy scout but it seemed like whenever he was in his presence for more than an hour...

This deep burning urge...to bash his head in against a wall over and over again would start to occur...and that same urge increased the longer he stayed in said presence. And the urge was slowly starting to become more difficult to ignore. Lifting his head, he looked at the wall behind Clark, wondering amusingly if that wall would be the right for him when he finally snapped, or if perhaps he should choose the wall to the left...

Then again, the one to the right was closer, and would let him get at_ least_ three or five head-bashings in before Superman decided to 'save' him and pull him away...

Unbeknownst to him, Toast and Bonnie were watching him as he stared at the wall. More importantly, they were noticing how if one looked _real _close, they could see an almost smile on his face. "What do you think he's thinking about?" Toast whispered.

"I don't think I _want_ to know." Bonnie responded honestly.

"He's probably thinking about some knew gadget or something." Superman muttered finally starting to calm down. Toast wasn't so bad. He could even learn to like it over time. Yeah…

He nodded to himself and started shuffling through the reports from their most recent battles. On the top were the profile sheets that the girl's had filled out. It was a standard procedure to provide others with there information. Their code names, abilities, etc. His eyes involuntarily scanned the top sheet and instantly widened. "_Waffles?! _Your last name is Waffles?!"

"Yesh. And my middle name is Ann."

"So--so your FULL name, is Toast Ann Waffles?!"

"Yesh."

Flash blinked as he watched Superman begin shouting at Batman that there was no _way_ that the JL could have a member named Toast _Ann Waffles_. He didn't know _why_ the big blue guy was taking the whole naming thing so hard, but ever since the two girls had stopped Luthor earlier today, Superman had been in a...well…a bad mood. Sure, he supposed it was kind of embarrassing to have two girls _save_ you...twice...from the same trap...

But everyone had off days!

Superman just happened to have his captured on live television...for millions to see.

"TOAST ANN WAFFLES?! NOW I KNOW YOU'RE NOT BEING SERIOUS!!"

"Hey here's an idea, YOU DON'T KNOCK MY NAME AND I WON'T KNOCK THAT SUIT OF YOURS SUPER_MAN_!!"

He sighed, already bored with the situation, glancing around the room for something fun to do. Then he remembered that the computer was fixed and started towards it. Flash could have _sworn _he heard the machine whimper as he drew closer to it...until a hand clamped down on his arm, stopping him when he was _so _close to the keyboard...

"If you so much as _think _about touching that computer I will _kill you_."

Flash felt his legs tremble with fear, but held his ground. "You know...that whole...scary...death glare...threat thingy you have going on doesn't work anymore, since we're teammates and all and I know you'd never actually hurt me..."

Batman turned his back on his teammate, his cape swirling in that special way of his. "Of course not."

The red-clad superhero stood there for a few seconds, weighing how much he wanted to touch the computer with how much he wanted to live, and the possibility of him surviving if he not only _touched _the machine but actually broke it again...positive that he could out run the Bat, but knowing that the man probably knew where he lived...

Of course, he supposed he could _move_, but one could only evade the Bat for so long before he found you...and there was probably a tracker on his suit _somewhere_...

Because every once and a while his suit would _beep_ and even though he'd examine it thoroughly, he was never able to find _anything_...

And when Batman did eventually find him again, he'd probably be even _more _pissed, and worse, would have had time to come up with interesting ways to kill him in order to make it look like an accident or something...

_And all because I touched the computer..._

Was the computer really worth his life?

He narrowed his eyes at the Batman, who was reading something from one of the papers. "I'm not scared of you."

Another almost-kind-of-smile. "I know."

"I'm- I'm not."

"I know."

"I'm just...gonna go ...read or something..."

"You do that."

Flash's back stiffened. "Well maybe I will."

"Maybe you should."

Toast snickered as she watched them stare at each other. "Ooo Flash man, better watch out, or he'll do something to ya while yer sleepin!"

Bonnie nudged her, curious. "How do you know?"

"Doesn't it seem like something he'd do?"

A wide grin. "Well now that you mention it..."

Flash gulped, as he watched the almost-kind-of-smile widen by just a fraction of a millimeter. "You...you...SUPERMAN!! HE'S GONNA DO SOMETHING!!"

"B...stop...hey wait...is that a q?" He gestured towards Bonnie, who nodded. "Yesh. We hail from the continent Qualeborn."

"THAT'S NOT A REAL PLACE!" Superman roared, his eyes blazing red.

Toast glared. "Yesh it is!" She placed her hand over her chest, Bonnie copying the motion. "It exists in your heart!"

Red-hazed eyes glared back, twitching occasionally, as he yelled, "WHERE DO YOU LIVE?!"

"I'm not telling you! You're a stranger!" Bonnie huffed, crossing her arms. "For all we know, you could start mailing us Kitty Porn!"

Flash pointed a trembling finger at Batman. "What are you going to do?!"

The Dark Knight knew he shouldn't...

"Haven't decided yet."

But sometimes Flash just made it too easy...

"Do WHAT?!"

"YEAH I KNOW!! ALL THOSE TIMES YOU RESCUED THEM KITTENS FROM TREES--YOU WERE JUST GETTING A FEEL ON _WERENT'CHA_?!"

Superman laid his head on the table, whimpering slightly. He'd gone from being saved _twice_ from the _same_ trap and having it filmed on national television, to trying to convince two teenage girls that he didn't have kitty porn stashed under his bed. Sometimes it just really sucked being a superhero.

"I HAVE A LOCK!! AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT!!"

Having lost interest in torturing Flash, Batman began scanning the monitors, looking for disturbances. "That's interesting."

There was a small skirmish in middle Asia, but Diana was already on it, and it seemed Hawk Girl was on her way, and it didn't look like they would be needing any back up...

"AND I SLEEP NUDE!! SO YOU MIGHT WANNA TAKE THAT INTO CONSIDERATION WHEN YOU COME BARGING IN AT THREE AM!!"

But Flash was beginning to get on his nerves...maybe he could see if there were any kittens stuck somewhere...

_And they call me paranoid..._

"I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!!"

"Oh that's nice …good for you..." It seemed like Toast and Bonnie were growing bored with tormenting Superman also, seeing how they were now beginning to poke around the JL tower, and were starting to edge towards the computer...

"I DO! BATMAN! TELL THEM I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!"

"What do you want an award?" Bonnie deadpanned, Toast already searching for something else to amuse her.

Weren't there any fucking kittens anywhere that needed rescuing?! Oh there was one promising lead...but the damn thing jumped down just when he was about to consider going to help it. Damn little thing...getting his hopes up like that...

"BATMAN! TELL THEM!"

"AND WHEN I SAY IN THE NUDE I MEAN IN THE _NUDE_!!"

Maybe he'd forgo the wall and just bash his head into the computer. It was closest and it would probably start to electrocute him after the third bash or so, and would hopefully put him out of his misery all together. Of course Superman, in that annoying way of his, would probably _save_ him...

_There's no escape..._

J'onn chose that moment to enter, and was perplexed by what he saw. Batman was staring down at the computer, while stroking its keys in a loving manner as Flash ranted behind him, waving his arms erratically. Superman was clawing at his hair as he continued to shout about how he loved his girlfriend and how he would never dream of watching..._Kitty porn?_ And there were the two girls he'd seen on the news, staring at the alarm button which was big and red and impossibly _shiny_ and one was reaching her hand out to touch it...

* * *

I hope you guys liked it!


End file.
